STORY TO BE TOLD

picture source: http://howlifegoes.blogspot.com/

All about cheesecake

Cheesecake is a dessert consisting of a topping made of soft, fresh cheese on a base made from biscuit, pastry or sponge. The topping is frequently sweetened with sugar and flavored or topped with fruit, nuts, fruit flavored drizzle and/or chocolate.

History

The earliest author who mentions cheesecake is Aegimus, who wrote a book on the art of making cheesecakes (πλακουντοπουκόν σύγγραμμα). Cato the Elder's De Agri Cultura includes recipes for two pies for religious uses: libum and placenta. Of the two, placenta is most like modern cheesecakes, having a crust that is separately prepared and baked. In 1872, William Lawrence from Chester, NY, along with other dairymen, came up with a way of making an "unripened cheese" that is heavier and creamier by accident, actually looking for a way to recreate the soft, French cheese, Neufchatel. Lawrence distributed the cheese in foil, becoming a brand that is familiarly recognized as "Philadelphia". Later on in 1912, James Kraft invented a form of this cream cheese, but pasteurized it; this is now the most commonly used cheese for cheesecake.

Styles

Cheesecakes can be broadly categorized into two basic types: baked and unbaked. Each comes in a variety of styles determined by region:

United States

The United States has several different recipes for cheesecake and this usually depends on the region in which the cake was baked, as well as the cultural background of the person baking it. These cheesecakes are typically baked before serving. One can also buy premade cheesecake from stores all around the United States.

* New York-style cheesecake relies upon heavy cream. Usually, cheesecake is made from cream cheese, eggs and egg yolks to add a richness and a smooth consistency. It is baked in a special 13–15 cm (5–6 inches) tall springform pan in many restaurants. Some recipes use cottage cheese and lemon for distinct texture and flavor or add a drizzle of chocolate or strawberry sauce to the basic recipe.
* Sour cream-style uses sour cream instead of heavy cream. This makes the cheesecake more resilient to freezing and is the method by which most frozen cheesecakes are made.
* Pennsylvania Dutch-style cheesecake uses a slightly tangy type of cheese with larger curds and less water content, called pot or farmer's cheese.
* Philadelphia-style cheesecake is lighter in texture, yet richer in flavor than New York-style cheesecake.
* Farmer's cheese cheesecake is the contemporary implementation for the traditional use of baking to preserve fresh cheese, and is often baked in a cake form along with fresh fruit like a tart.
* Country-style cheesecake uses buttermilk to produce a firm texture while decreasing the pH (increasing acidity) to extend shelf life.
* Lactose-free cheesecake may be made either with lactose-free cream cheese or as an imitation using vegan recipes combining non-dairy cream cheese alternatives with other lactose-free ingredients.
* Gooey butter cake is a St. Louis variant that has a layer of regular cake with a cheesecake top.

In the United States, July 30 has been unofficially declared National Cheesecake Day.[7] The origins of this unofficial holiday are unknown, but in the last few years it has gained in popularity as food blogs have embraced it and The Cheesecake Factory has taken advantage of it to promote its namesake product.

British, Irish, Australian and New Zealand

In the United Kingdom, Ireland, Australia and New Zealand, cheesecake is typically made with a base of crushed biscuits and butter and topped with a fruit compote. The most common filling is a mixture of cream cheese, sugar and cream and it is not baked - gelatine may also be used to keep the filling firm. One can also find it today made with banoffee flavor, coffee, tea, chocolate, Irish cream, white chocolate and even marshmallow. Irish cheesecake may also contain a mix of cream and Baileys between layers.

Bulgarian

* Bulgarian-style cheesecake uses cream cheese in a New York-style filling and smetana for a top layer. Often, ground nuts are added to the crust mixture.

Italian

* Ancient Roman-style cheesecake uses honey and a ricotta-like cheese along with flour and is traditionally shaped into loaves. Some recipes call for bay leaves, which may have been used as a preservative.

* Italian-style cheesecake uses ricotta or mascarpone cheese, sugar, vanilla extract, and sometimes barley flakes. This type of cheesecake is typically drier than American styles. Often, small bits of candied fruit are added.

French

* French-style cheesecakes are very light, feature gelatin as a binding ingredient, and are typically only 3 to 5 cm (1 to 2 inches) tall. This variety gets its light texture and flavor from Neufchâtel cheese.

Greek

* Greek-style cheesecake commonly uses mizithra and it is called Tiropita. It's made with layers of buttered phyllo and filled with a cheese-egg mixture. Other editions can be found, which use thick pastry or puff-pastry instead of phyllo.

Swedish

* Swedish-style cheesecake differs greatly from other cheese cakes. A Swedish cheesecake is not layered and is traditionally produced by adding rennet to milk and letting the casein coagulate. It is then baked in an oven and served warm. Since the process of curdling milk is somewhat complicated, alternative recipes intended for home cooking instead use cottage cheese as a base to simulate the texture of the dessert. Swedish-style cheesecake is traditionally served with jam and whipped cream or ice cream. There are two different types of Swedish cheesecake, from different regions in Sweden. To avoid confusion with other cheesecakes, Swedish cheesecake is usually called ostkaka, its Swedish name.

Central European

* German-style cheesecake (Käsekuchen, Quarkkuchen, Matzkuchen; Topfenkuchen in Austria) uses quark cheese. The Käsesahnetorte (cheese cream tart) adds cream and is not baked. Germany is famous for its unique cheesecake recipes that add a bit of sweet and sour taste, said to “melt in your mouth”.
* Dutch/Belgian-style cheesecakes are typically flavored with melted bittersweet chocolate. Belgian cheesecake also includes a speculaas crust (speculaas is a traditional Dutch-Belgian biscuit).
* Polish sernik (cheesecake), one of the most popular desserts in Poland, is made primarily of twaróg (quark), a type of fresh cheese.

Latin American

* Brazilian-style cheesecake usually has a layer of guava marmalade (goiabada).
* Argentina: Is usually served with strawberry or another berry marmalade on top.

Asian

Asian-style cheesecake flavors include matcha (powdered Japanese green tea), lychee and mango. Asian-style cheesecakes are also lighter in flavor, and are sometimes light and spongy in texture. Compared to its counterparts, it is also considerably less sweet.

Japanese

* Japanese-style cheesecake relies upon the emulsification of cornstarch and eggs to make a smooth flan-like texture and almost plasticine appearance.

Culinary uses and challenges

Almost all modern cheesecakes in the United States use cream cheese; in Italy, cheesecakes use ricotta; Germany and Poland use quark cheese. Cheesecakes are most easily baked in a springform pan.

The type of cheese affects not only the texture and taste, but also the ability to incorporate certain types of ingredients. When cheesecake batter is too thin, many cheesecakes will not be structurally sound and fall apart at the table. One way to get around this is to use unflavored gelatin or a little cornstarch beaten with the eggs.

A common difficulty with baking cheesecakes is its tendency to “crack” when cooled. This is due to the coagulation of the beaten eggs in its batter. There are various methods to prevent this. One method is to bake the cheesecake in a hot water bath to ensure even heating. Other methods include blending a little cornstarch into the batter or baking the cheesecake at a lower temperature and slow cooling it in the oven, turned off, with the door ajar. If these methods fail, a common practice is to cover the top of the cheesecake with toppings such as fruit, whipped cream, or cookie crumbs.

Alternatively, cracks can also be repaired by simply using a flat knife and some warm water. After the cake has been chilled for a few hours, simply dip the knife in warm water and mold the cheesecake as if sculpting. Cracks and unevenness can easily be taken care of in this fashion. This method also works well for repairing the sides and giving the final cheesecake a flawless look. For crater size cracks, try using the bits that are stuck on the side of the pan to help repair the damage.

Another common problem, particularly with baked cheesecakes, is that the biscuit base becomes too soft. For extra crunch, replace around a quarter of the crushed biscuits with Grape Nuts.

Many types of cheesecake are essentially custards, which can lead a novice baker to overcook them, expecting them to behave like true cakes.

A sour cream-style cheesecake uses close to a 1:1 volume ratio of cream cheese to sour cream to make the traditional texture that crumbles like a good roquefort cheese with a distinctive sunken center and a golden-colored top from the Maillard reaction. An extra egg white brushed on the top can achieve the same effect in less time if one desires the cheesecake to be "gooey" when set.

Savory cheesecakes also exist, served sometimes as hors d'oeuvre or with accompanying salads.
source: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cheesecake

Baked Cheesecake
Recipe by Amy Beh

Protecting your child's skin

ParenThots - Features

If your child has any skin disorder, go to the doctor instead of trying to self-medicate. - Photo ©iStockphoto.com/ LeventKonuk

By BRIGITTE ROZARIO

Children are prone to skin problems like rashes, eczema and allergies. Often it's hard for parents to distinguish between what is a minor problem and something urgent that needs immediate attention.

Dr Chow: 'In families with a positive history of such disorders it would be wise to be vigilant.'

Dr Steven KW Chow, senior consultant dermatologist at Hospital Pantai Kuala Lumpur, answers common questions on children and skin problems.

What are the skin problems that children and teenagers in Malaysia face?

The common skin problems in children are eczema, skin infections and allergies. This is particularly so in children whose parents or siblings have an existing history of such disorders. House dust mite allergy reactions are common and must be identified early so that prevention can be instituted.

Towards teenage years, problems relating to hormonal changes at puberty like acne start to be noticeable. When the teenagers start using cosmetic items, we then start seeing problems related to adverse contact reactions to cosmetic ingredients including tattoos.

What sorts of symptoms should parents look out for?

In families with a positive history of such disorders it would be wise to be vigilant.

A itchy skin rash is the commonest presentation in many skin disorders like allergies and eczema. It can be severe and affect sleep patterns not only for the child but also the rest of the family especially if the child is fretting and scratching through the night.

Uncontrolled scratching breaks the surface of the skin and results in recurrent and frequent skin infections. The other pattern of presentation is that the skin can be extremely itchy when the child comes back from school scratching and sweaty and exposed to house-dust mites in the school environment.

In teenagers with significant acne disorder, do look for signs of loss of self-esteem, withdrawal and psychological maladjustments. This will affect their performance in school as well as inter-personal relationships at home and well as outside the home. Do regularly have heart-to-heart talks with the affected child to help understand and support him/her through this problem. Do not trivialise their acne problems.

When should parents bring their child to the doctor? In which cases can they treat the child themselves at home?

It is best to see a doctor early to establish a proper diagnosis and to seek proper advice. If the child does not respond to simple measures like the use of emollients, avoidance of harsh soap and triggering factors like house-dust mite, then seeing the family doctor is a wise first step.

Do they need to see a dermatologist or can they see a GP? In which situations should they see a dermatologist?

The family GP must be the first point of care. In most instances they will be able to control the symptoms with appropriate treatment. A dermatologist’s intervention is only needed if this fails.

How serious and what is the treatment for the following skin conditions?

* Diaper rash

- Common.
- Prevented by regular change of diapers, keeping the area meticulously dry and use of bland moisture-absorbent powders.
- Cleanse the affected areas regularly with either plain water or normal saline. Avoid using harsh antiseptics on baby’s bottom.
- The skin must not be allowed to be constantly wet and macerated.
- Secondary infection by bacteria and yeast can be troublesome.

* Cradle cap

- Distressing to look at.
- Parents tend to want to physically peel off the adherent scales. This will tear the thin epidermis and promote infection.
- Best to soften the scales with a light oil-based lotion and then gently remove the scabs at bath time.
- Usually improves as the child grows up. Severe cradle cap in infants is a reflection that the child may have difficult eczema/psoriasis later in life.

* Eczema

- Common. Mostly are mild and can be easily controlled.
- When severe, it significantly affects quality of life. Specialist care is required when eczema is generalised and does not respond to first-line treatment.
- Emollients are the mainstay of long-term treatment.

* Boil

- This is a skin infection when painful nodules filled with pus occur on the skin. The common bacteria are the streptococci and staphylococci. When the child presents with chronic recurrent boils it is useful to have the family screened for scabies. Recurrent skin infections are also seen in children with juvenile onset diabetes.

* Rosacea

- This is less common and when it occurs during the teenage period can be mistaken for acne.
- The severe forms can lead to disfiguring scarring of the face.
- Specialist treatment is usually needed.

Insect bite.

* Insect bite

- Common, usually mild.
- Can be persistent in allergy-prone individuals.
- Sensible prevention is best.
- Watch out for sandfly bites.

* Allergy

- Allergic skin disorders are common. They can result from common items like house dust mite and also reactions to medications and food items.
- Allergies to food items can be very misleading as most parents have already a pre-set socio-cultural belief of the causative items. Often the parental diagnosis of the allergy is presumptive.
- In cases of doubt, testing for specific allergen will be of some value as a negative test virtually excludes a particular suspected item.
- Anti-allergy medications including anti-histamines are useful to control symptoms. Newer anti-histamines are generally safe and can be use for day-time as well as they are non-sedating.
- The dermatologist is usually called in to help unravel the possible cause of the allergy.

* Athlete's foot

- Common. Often not diagnosed as it may be asymptomatic.
- It is a fungal infection of the feet especially in the toe-web areas. In some people, a bacterial component also sets in and makes treatment more complicated. The wearing of close tight shoes for long periods of time is a major contributory factor.
- Important to disinfect all shoes and foot-wear by sun-drying whenever possible as dampness and moisture will allow these bugs to grow in the shoes and be a source of recurrent infection.
- A good broad-spectrum antifungal used for sufficient length of time helps to clear the disease.

* Dandruff

- Presents as constant shedding of loose white flakes from the scalp. Can mean a few conditions ranging from fungal infections to scalp eczema and psoriasis.
- The commonest and most treatable is seborrhoeic dermatitis which is caused by a immune reaction to the yeast growing on the scalp. They respond well to anti-yeast treatment and can be maintained well with a anti-yeast shampoo.

* Lice

- Not so common in urban areas, more so in rural areas especially among the poorer socio-economic group.
- They can be very infectious and can cause outbreaks in hostels and dormitories.
- The commonest will be scalp lice.

Rashes.

* Rashes

- Just a common term meaning a skin eruption.

* Acne

- This occurs starting from teenage to early adulthood. Some cases carry on until late adult life.
- When mild, patients describe them as pimples, zits, breakout, blackheads and whiteheads.
- Can be very severe like in acne conglobata where big cysts and painful red pustules occur on the face.
- Acne scarring will be life-long and proper and early medical treatment is advised.
- If there is a family history of severe acne scarring in the parents or older siblings seek dermatologist help early.
- Today’s medical treatment is very effective and can prevent acne scarring. Parents should not trivialise the concerns of the teenage with acne. It hurts them more than what the eye can see.

* Psoriasis

- Can be a difficult problem to treat in children. In some situations it can be triggered following common bacterial infection.
- Be prepared for a long history of remission and relapses. Often ends up in the dermatologist’s office. There are no quick fixes for psoriasis.
- Psoriasis can be precipitated by stress and the disease itself can be stressful to the child. Parents must be aware of this and understand what the child is going through. He will refuse to expose his affected skin during school activities and shun sports like swimming.

What can parents do to prevent children from getting skin problems?

A simple hygiene routine is most useful. However do not over-wash the skin. When the child is back from school, sweaty and itchy, a brief shower with a soft soap followed by a light moisturising cream will help cool down the symptoms and lessen scratching.

Do not use harsh scrubs for the child’s skin at bath.

Keep the environment free from house dust as much as possible. The most effective is still the traditional sunning and dusting of household items especially in the tropics. Good and proper ventilation of all rooms is better than 24-7 air-conditioning.

Give the child a wholesome balanced diet and avoid foods with artificial colourings and flavourings.

Will staying out of the sun and moisturising the skin help?

Yes, this is a useful preventive policy.

How about a good diet and Vitamin E?

Good diet – yes. Vitamin E supplements – not likely to work.

What is the best way to ensure healthy skin?

Treat your skin well as it is your most important visible and invisible protector of your health. The visible bit is all the physical parts that make up the skin like the skin cells, the skin fat, sweat glands, sebum secreting glands, hair and nails, etc.

The invisible component is called the acid-mantle, a robust bio-physical system that forms as a result of the close and coordinated interaction of all the physical and biochemical components. It also includes health-friendly micro-organisms and naturally produced antibiotics and probiotics.

In simple terms, it is a very complex system that keeps unwanted things out and preserves the important functions of your skin.

Scratching is a no-no at all times. It damages your skin surface and introduces germs into the deeper layers of skin. It is better to numb the itch sensation with an ice-pack.

Remember the skin has its own filtering and excretory system so there is no need to over-wash your skin.

Take time to dry your skin after bath especially over the hidden areas. Retained moisture in folded areas of skin favours the growth of harmful germs.

Don’t sunburn your skin. Practise good sun-protection hygiene always.

For adults, don’t take up smoking. It's bad for the skin as well as internal health.

In climates that are harsh and dry, add regular moisturising to your daily regime.

If your child has a problematic skin, seek medical advice early. Avoid self-diagnosis and avoid experimenting with unproven treatments.

Always live life in moderation.

Credits to and source taken from: http://www.parenthots.com/

Curry Chicken Sandwich
9 September 2009
Recipe by Amy Beh

Ingredients
200g finely chopped cooked chicken meat or any left over roasted chicken meat
2 tbsp finely chopped celery
2 tbsp finely chopped carrots
1 tbsp peanut butter
5 tbsp mayonnaise
1/2 tsp curry powder
1/4 tsp paprika
1/2 tsp lemon juice
Dash of salt
Dash of pepper
Sugar to taste
Lettuce leaves
1 pickled dill, thinly sliced
21 slices of bread, trim edges and butter lightly

Method
Combine chicken with the rest of the ingredients and mix well to blend. Spread mixture evenly over a slice of bread. Add two or three slices of dill and a piece of lettuce.

Top up with another slice of buttered bread. Spread filling mixture over and top up with dill and lettuce. Place another slice of bread over. Lightly press down the sandwich. Wrap sandwich in cling film and chill before serving.

Credtis to and source taken from: http://www.parenthots.com/

What causes bed-wetting?
13 September 2010

What causes a child to wet his bed? Our five-year-old soaks his sheets nearly every night, which drives me crazy!

There are millions of kids worldwide who wet the bed nightly. They are a misunderstood lot. Many of their parents believe that their bed-wetting is deliberate and it can be eliminated by punishment. Others think that these kids are too lazy to go to the bathroom. These are wrong and unfortunate notions.

Bed-wetting is often caused by medical factors, such as a small bladder, physical immaturity or other physical conditions. That’s why you should begin by consulting a paediatrician or an urologist when bed-wetting starts. About 50% of the kids can be helped or cured by medication.

For other boys and girls, the problem is emotional in origin. Any change in the psychological environment of the home may produce midnight moisture.

There is a third factor that I feel is a frequent cause of bed-wetting. During children’s toddler years, they wet the bed simply because they are too immature to maintain night-time bladder control. Some parents, in an effort to head off another episode, begin getting these kids up at night to go to the potty. The youngster is still sound asleep but he or she is told to “go tinkle” or whatever.

After this conditioning has been established, the child who needs to urinate at night, dreams of being told to “go”. Particularly when jostled or disturbed at night, the child can believe that he or she is being ushered to the bathroom.

I would recommend that parents of older bed-wetters stop getting them up at night, even if the behaviour continues for a while.

This article was written by Focus on the Family Malaysia (www.family.org.my) and the Questions and Answers are extracted from “Complete Family and Marriage Home Reference Guide” by Dr James Dobson with permission.

Credits to and source taken from: http://www.parenthots.com/

When parents fight in front of the kids
15 September 2010

CHILDWISE
By RUTH LIEW

DO YOU fight in front of your children? I know a young couple who fought in front of their newborn every night. The young mother told me her baby cried every time they argued. She asked whether their tumultuous relationship would affect their baby.

Some experts say that fighting in front of the children is good for them to learn how to work out their problems. I would agree with them if most couples fight by talking things through and respectfully communicating their differences in opinion. In reality, many couples fight like cats and dogs.

Most couples have agreed not to fight in front of the children. Instead they tend to stash their negative feelings only to release them at the most inappropriate time.

Family time is supposed to be moments of bonding and sharing, definitely not fighting. One family I know started their journey for a day trip at 9am. Everyone had smiles on their faces, excited about this long-awaited family outing.

At 11.30am, they got home with tears in their eyes. The couple fought hard over an issue and the children cried. They never made it to their holiday destination.

Children are sensitive to their parents’ personal problems. They know when things are not right. They may not know exactly what the trouble is. They get upset and confused when they witness their parents fight with one another.

My daughter confronted me one evening over her fears. Her close friends have talked to her about their parents’ crumbling marriage and the aftermath of divorce. She was very concerned about them.

She asked me whether her father and I would ever get a divorce. I reassured her that we were committed to making our marriage work. Then she told me that she did not like it when she hears our disagreements.

Children are afraid of losing their parents. When they see them fight, they are afraid that this will happen. Walking out on your husband or your wife will not affect your spouse as much as it will hurt your children.

It is inevitable that there will be conflicts in families. I remember when the children were only babies and toddlers, we disagreed over many things. Some were serious, while others were trivial.

Our disagreements did not last long. They became part of the lessons we were learning about being parents and a married couple.

As we learn to get along as a family, we manage to prevent many conflicts that can crop up. We accepted the differences among family members. In all our fights, we must acknowledge our love for one another. This way our fights will not last too long nor hurt too much.

It helps the family to deal with problems when everyone agrees to disagree. Work out your differences so that you can find the reasons for your conflicts. When talking face-to-face is difficult, try writing your thoughts down. Send sms or e-mail one another.

When children fight, parents often remind them that they should not blame one another and say: “It’s her/his fault!” In your adult fights, you should stay clear of the same thing and avoid using works like “always” and “never”.

Instead, use more positive phrases like, “Let’s make this work” or “We need to listen”. Children observing their parents will also do the same when they interact with one another.

When parents fight, children should never be involved. Avoid mentioning their names or using them as excuses. Many children have heard their parents say in anger: “If I knew raising children was so difficult, I would not have had them at all.”

They may know you do not mean what you say in anger. But they can still feel hurt and wonder if they are such a burden to their parents. Children need to know they are wanted and loved unconditionally. It is also their right to belong.

Children know that parents have different opinions. Yet, they fare better in their behaviour and learning, knowing that their parents stand united when it comes to child-rearing issues.

When the disagreements are over, parents need to sit down with their children to reaffirm their love for one another. This way, children are reassured and will not worry about losing their parents.

Children listen to what their parents say to one another. They like to use the same words they hear from their parents’ mouths. You may not realise how quickly children absorb negative words.

Choose your words carefully when you are in front of the children.

In daycare centres, the caregivers and teachers know exactly what mum said to dad at home when their children act out the “drama” on the domestic front. One four-year-old boy was heard saying: “My mummy says daddy is lazy. When I grow up, I want to be just like daddy.”

Credits to and source taken from: http://www.parenthots.com/

Bullying is any repeated harassment with the intention of harming or hurting the other person.

Is your child being bullied? Or is she the bully?

By BRIGITTE ROZARIO

How do you even begin to protect your child if he is being bullied in school? Or your daughter if she is harassed in cyberspace?

Firstly, you need to differentiate between bullying and teasing. Teasing is more for fun and not done frequently or repeatedly with the intention to cause harm or hurt.

Bullying, on the other hand, is done to cause harm or hurt and it is done repeatedly.

Margaret A. Kaloo, principal of ELC International School and chairman of the Association of International Malaysian Schools (AIMS) says that children are under far greater pressure than ever before and this too can lead to bullying.

“It's not just bullying that happens in the playground and school; a lot of the bullying now can happen after school and not even on the streets outside school – it's cyber bullying. We might think there's no bullying because we don't see it in school but it's not being done in school. It's being done via the social network pages and through email and even SMSes. It's an extremely problematic time for children to be growing up in,” says Kaloo.

Developmental psychologist at Sunway University College Woo Pei Jun says kids in school tease all the time but they don't mean to really hurt other children.

“Bullying is different. It's a more severe kind of teasing where it's repeated and the intention really is to hurt you and make you feel less powerful.

“For it to be a case of bullying it must be done repeatedly and make that person feel less powerful and intimidated and the intention is to hurt the other person.

“If it's a case of isolating someone because she is talented or good at something, how much are they harassing her or are they just jealous of her and making some remarks about it.

“It's hard to draw the line because once one child starts harassing, then everybody follows because that person might then be seen as the class 'clown'.

“It could turn into bullying, albeit unconsciously by the rest. When there's a gang, it could be more hurtful sometimes,” she says.

According to Woo, with small children, when they hit each other it is not a case of bullying, even if they do it repeatedly.

Chances are they are just angry or frustrated in the moment or they might like the other child and they just don't know how to express themselves.

Woo explains that when most young children are asked about bullying, they don't really understand the definition of the word.

The more harmful and hurtful bullying usually happens at a later stage – when they are teenagers.

Looking for signs

According to Woo, parents worried that their child is being bullied should look out for these signs:

- depression
- not wanting to go to school
- feigning illnesses to avoid school
- not interested in activities they used to like
- loss of appetite
- not many friends
- nobody invites them to birthday parties

Kaloo explains that if a child comes home and doesn't want to talk about what happened in school, then parents should investigate and find out if this child is being bullied.

However, if the child comes home complaining about another child and what that child did, then chances are it's not a bullying case. Children fight all the time and while parents might be worried about a potential problem, often those two children are the best of friends the very next day.

What to do

Kaloo advises parents against confronting the child who is bullying or even speaking to that child's parents.

“That certainly does happen. That's the worst thing you can do for your child because he has to be able to survive in today's world and he can't always have a mum who's going to rush in and sort things out for him.

“And, of course, that just brings out the worse in the other mum,” she explains.

What they should do is work with the school to find a solution. If there is bullying, then it is the school's responsibility, says Kaloo.

“Keep calm, explain what you believe has happened and that you'd like it investigated. Then work together with the school.

“The worst thing you can tell your child is to hit back if somebody hits him/her. That's just encouraging it. We try to teach the students that it's right to intervene if you see something that you don't like or when there is some disagreement. It's all right to intervene and help the person who is being bullied,” she says.

Woo advises parents against telling their child that it will go away because it won't and in such a case the child will cease to tell them anymore about the bullying after that.

“The support of the school matters. However, if you have made complaints and talked to the school and still nothing is being done, then that school is not safe. Do you still want to put your child in an unsafe school environment? Then the question is whether you should change schools,” says Woo.

Kaloo says parents should also not ask their child what they did to provoke the bully.

“You do have to proceed with some caution. Otherwise they will clam up and not talk to you at all,” she says.

Long-term effect

In the long run, constant bullying might affect the child's self-esteem.

The child should be taught that when another child bullies them, it is the bully who has a problem. The child also needs to be taught the active approach to problem-solving.

Kaloo warns that bullying should not be taken lightly as it can cause serious depression in the victim who feels that nobody likes them.

“The most important thing is that the victim must not lose confidence in himself or herself. I always tell them it's not their problem, it's other people's problem if they can't handle your being good or clever (if that is the reason why they are isolated and bullied).”

How are bullies made?

Woo says that children who are bullies are usually those who are exposed to violence and usually the source is the parents themselves.

“They imitate the parents' behaviour and the neighbourhood kids. When they go to school they are rejected because they are a bit rude and don't follow rules. Academically they can't cope because there's nobody at home to help them. This leads to them being labelled, then the other kids tease them. To have a sense of belonging, they join the deviant group.

“Usually, these kids have risks at home, disciplining is a problem, the neighbourhood – this doesn't apply to all bullies but these could all be contributing factors.

“School is a big factor. Usually you find these kids who are bullying are not very good academically. We're talking about bullying as a subgroup of delinquent and anti-social behaviour.

“There are many reasons why bullies bully. One is to get attention. Another reason is to save themselves because the bullies themselves might have a history of being abused or bullied at home or at a previous school. So, to protect themselves from being bullied again they become the bullies and act aggressively. Some are just passive bullies who follow a gang. They can't achieve well so they just want to belong to a group,” she says.

Woo: 'With cyber bullying, you can hide your identity so anyone can do it.'

According to Woo, cyber bullying is no different from physical bullying.

“Girls tend to be more verbal but that doesn't mean boys don't do it as well. With cyber bullying, you can hide your identity so anyone can do it.

“If they are unhappy with someone they might be vicious and just do it, but usually it would be the active bully who is really angry, unhappy with something who will do it; or sometimes they may do it to get help.

“Just like those school shooters in the United States – if you read their diaries, you will see that they hate everyone but they feel that they want help. They're hoping that they can get somebody's attention to help them. So, bullying may have some violence but the bully may also crave some help and attention,” says Woo.

My child, the bully

So, what does a parent do if their child is the bully?

First of all they have to acknowledge that their child is a bully. Sometimes parents are not aware of it and they can't believe that their own child is a bully.

After accepting the fact that their child has a problem, they need to seek help.

Just telling them not to bully won't work because it's a habit, explains Woo.

“It's a learning process. By the time they bully, they have actually learnt bits and pieces from being defiant, going against authority, breaking rules, lying, stealing and then bullying. So, it's about learning to undo, to unlearn all of these inappropriate behaviours and then relearn a new set of behaviours.

“Bullies usually have self-esteem issues as well. Even though they bully others, they might not feel good about themselves.

“When that happens, you also have to talk about self-esteem issues. Then you have to focus on how to help them. You need to also check if there is any violence in their surroundings that they are exposed to which they might imitate,” she says.

Woo advises parents of bullies to see a counsellor for help.

Kaloo warns parents to watch their own behaviour in front of the children to avoid bringing up bullies.

“Be very careful how you deal with people and that you are not aggressive because if they hear you shouting or calling out names in the car, they can quickly pick up on that.

“So, if you don't want to bring up a bully, make sure your own behaviour is always appropriate in front of your children.

Conclusion

Woo says it is important for parents to be able to communicate with their children so that they know what's going on in their children's lives, who their friends are, whether they are keeping bad company, and even what they are writing online and what is being written about them.

She advises parents to start from the time their children are small by inviting their children's friends over for small birthday parties and in small groups. This way, they can get to know their children's friends.

“Their peer group is the most influential especially when they are in secondary school. You want to at least know that your kids are not mixing with a violent group.

“If your bond with your child is close you will be able to talk about it. How your child relates to you and how you relate to your child is very important.

“If they can't talk to you then they won't tell you their problems and you won't be able to help them find a solution. You can't see what happens in school.

“At the same time we must also be able to help them get some sort of skills in problem-solving and decision-making that they can use on their own,” says Woo.

Credtis to and source taken from: http://www.parenthots.com/

Three hurt in copter crash
By ROSLINA MOHAMAD and FOONG PEK YEE
newsdesk@thestar.com.my

TEMERLOH: Three Fire and Rescue Department personnel were injured after a helicopter crash-landed in a rubber estate at Bukit Lada, Felcra Kuala Kaung, in Lanchang here.

The aircraft was flying too low and hit trees as it was trying to land under a heavy blanket of fog yesterday morning.

Temerloh OCPD Asst Comm Ahmad Fadzilah Mohamed said the victims were identified as Captain Roslan Aziz, Asrul Mohd Nordin and Khairil Azuan Jamalludin.

“Captain Roslan has serious neck injuries while Asrul and Khairil Azuan suffered minor injuries.

“They were sent to the Sultan Ahmad Shah Hospital,” he said.

He added that Captain Roslan underwent an operation and was in stable condition.

ACP Ahmad Fadzilah said the three left the Subang airbase in Selangor at about 10am and were monitoring traffic flow on the East Coast Expressway.

“There was a heavy blanket of fog at the time and the helicopter was descending. It hit some rubber trees, causing the pilot to lose control before landing on its side,” he added.

In KUALA LUMPUR, Housing and Local Government Minister Datuk Chor Chee Heung said the Department of Aviation had been notified to conduct an investigation into the crash.

He said the helicopter was operating the Kuala Lumpur-Kuantan sector and its job was to help save lives in the event of road accidents during this festive season.

He said the Fire and Rescue Department was among the agencies involved in Ops Raya, adding that he would visit the injured staff at the hospital today.

Credits to and source taken from: http://thestar.com.my