STORY TO BE TOLD

When you look at your friends and classmates, you might see the tall, lanky nerd who always gets straight As, the popular senior who is always laughing and smiling, or that classmate who seems to have everything under control. Sometimes this is all they will allow you to see.

And that's a shame.

Because what you may have heard before is trite but true: Nobody's perfect. In a world where people may seem perfect — or at least in control and normal — we often see ourselves as abnormal or not good enough. Whether they show it or not, though, everybody has problems of one kind or another.

The First Signs

It was the spring of my junior year of high school — a particularly stressful time for many students. I had schoolwork to do, APs to study for, nightly soccer practice, and pit band rehearsal for the school musical. To put it lightly, I was overloaded.

One night while I was sitting in my final dress rehearsal for the school play, I started thinking about my boyfriend. We'd been dating since the beginning of the school year, and because he was my first boyfriend, I was very inexperienced when it came to relationships. As I was sitting in rehearsal that night, thoughts about our relationship just kept popping up in my head. Where was our relationship going? Was it a good, healthy relationship? What was it really based on?

While these were normal questions for anyone to ask, my reactions to them were both mentally and physically overwhelming. I couldn't focus on playing my music, and I started breathing too quickly and trembling, convinced that my boyfriend would dump me and my world would fall apart. I kept imagining only the worst outcomes from this situation, until finally I couldn't sit with the band anymore. I had to leave the auditorium during the last full dress rehearsal and run to the bathroom, where I began retching in one of the stalls.

Falling Deeper

After that night, things began to worsen sharply. I missed the next 3 days of school because I told my mom I was too sick to go. And while this was true — I couldn't keep any food down for 3 days — I knew it was more because of my fears than because of any physical illness.

During those 3 days I lay in bed and constantly worried. I tried thinking through what was bothering me, and decided that any relationship that bothered me that much couldn't be good. I broke up with my boyfriend, figuring that would help, but once I had done that I still felt worried. I figured something else was wrong with my life, maybe that I was too stressed. I quit the soccer team and hoped that would help.

It didn't, and now I felt even worse. There was even more to worry about — what did my now ex-boyfriend think of me? Did he hate me? How could he still want to get back together with someone as messed up as me? Would my soccer coach think that I was just a quitter? Was I a quitter?

I started to notice that I became easily distracted from my work. In classes I would zone out of discussions completely, constantly worrying about my friends and my life, and wondering if I was normal. My psychology class was especially hard to sit through. I was sure that once we started learning new material, people would find out that I was weird or maybe even insane. What if everything I was experiencing was due to schizophrenia? I was sure I'd end up in an institution, crazy, lonely, and forgotten by all.

Over the next few weeks things improved, only to worsen again during summer vacation. My heart would race, and with all my worries I'd be too jittery to sit still. At my worst I was so nervous that anything I'd eat I'd just throw up again because I was so worried.

My parents started to worry that I was anorexic, and I only felt more misunderstood. I wanted to eat, I wanted to feel full and healthy, but my body wasn't letting me. "Just stop worrying," my parents would tell me. "You're not trying hard enough. If you just try harder you can make this stop."

But I had been trying so hard — did they think I wanted to be like this? This wasn't me at all. The me I knew was happy, fun, and lighthearted if not carefree. Now I just cried and worried, steadily lost weight, and withdrew from my friends so they couldn't find out what was happening to me. My parents knew something was very wrong and that they had to intervene. And so, for the first time ever, I ended up seeing a psychologist.

Seeing a Psychologist

I begged my parents not to make me go, and when they refused, screamed at them for forcing me to go against my will. When we showed up I was ready to hate my psychologist and show my parents how pointless this was.

And then I actually met the psychologist and found out he wasn't such a bad guy. He was there to help me — not to report back to my parents, not to have me committed to an institution, not to force any action at all — just to talk.

So we talked. Over the next few months he told me that I had generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), and we worked on techniques to help me overcome my worries, such as breathing, not jumping to catastrophic conclusions, and thinking rationally. But as hard as I tried to fight this, I just couldn't kick the worrying habit. My psychologist suggested I see a psychiatrist who would be able to prescribe medication to help me. Although when we first met I said I would not go on medication, I was so ready to be myself again that I willingly agreed.

Starting Anew

With my psychiatrist's recommendation and prescription I began taking an anti-anxiety medication that's approved for teens. I also continued therapy with my psychologist. And gradually over the next few weeks my overwhelming anxiety became manageable. Nobody's life is ever completely worry-free, but my concerns were now realistic and didn't control my whole life. My parents had me back, my friends had me back — but most important, I had me back. I was me again.

So I'm not perfect, and I would never claim to be — but I'm not crazy either. Around 40 million American adults have an anxiety disorder in any given year, which doesn't take into account people under age 18 or those who may have had an anxiety disorder in the past! Knowing this helps me feel less alone; other people are going through the same thing I did.

Dealing with my anxiety has been one of the greatest challenges of my life, but as I go into my sophomore year in college, I am a better, stronger, and more confident person for everything I have gone through. I learned that living a life of fear is not living at all, and while obstacles may arise more than I'd like, there is no problem that I can't handle. I've learned to take some risks and face my challenges head on. The rewards of trying, whether I succeed or not, are always better than letting my worries run my life or wondering what would have happened if I'd only had the courage to try.

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: October 2008

Everyone has feelings of anxiety, nervousness, tension, and stress from time to time. Here are 5 ways to help manage them.

Note: When anxiety or worry feels extreme, it may be a sign of an anxiety disorder. For someone who has an anxiety disorder, getting proper care from a heath professional is important. The tips below can help too, of course. But professional treatment is the only way to shake an anxiety disorder.

1. Become a relaxation expert. We all think we know how to relax. But chilling out in front of the TV or computer isn't true relaxation. (Depending on what you're watching or doing, it could even make you more tense.) The same is true for alcohol, drugs, or tobacco. They may seem to relieve anxiety or stress, but it's a false state of relaxation that's only temporary. What the body really needs is a relaxation technique — like deep breathing, tai chi, or yoga — that has a physical effect on the mind. For example, deep breathing helps to relax a major nerve that runs from the diaphragm to the brain, sending a message to the entire body to let go and loosen up.
   
2. Get enough sleep, nourishment, and exercise. Want your mind and body to feel peaceful and strong enough to handle life's ups and downs? Get the right amount of sleep for your needs — not too much or too little. Eat well: Choose fruit, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains for long-term energy (instead of the short bursts that come from too much sugar or caffeine). And exercise to send oxygen to every cell in the body so your brain and body can operate at their best.
3. Connect with others. Spend time with friends or family. Organized activities are great, but just hanging out works too. Doing things with those we feel close to deepens our bonds, allowing us to feel supported and secure. And the fun and sharing that go with it allow us to feel happier and less upset about things. If you feel worried or nervous about something, talking about it with someone who listens and cares can help you feel more understood and better able to cope. You'll be reminded that everyone has these feelings sometimes. You're not alone.
4. Connect with nature. Heading out for a walk in the park or a hike in the woods can help anyone feel peaceful and grounded. (Choose somewhere you feel safe so you can relax and enjoy your surroundings.) Walking, hiking, trail biking, or snowshoeing offer the additional benefit of exercise. Invite a friend or two — or a family member — along and enjoy feeling connected to people as well.
5. Think positive. A great way to keep our minds off the worry track is to focus our thoughts on things that are good, beautiful, and positive. Allow yourself to dream, wish, and imagine the best that could happen.

For more on this topic, check out the box below.

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: November 2007

What Is Anxiety?

Liam had always looked out for his younger brother Sam. But whenever Sam took the late bus after soccer practice, Liam worried about him so much he couldn't concentrate on his homework. Liam watched the clock, worrying and imagining the worst — picturing bus accidents and fearing, for no particular reason, that Sam might be injured or dead. Only when Sam arrived home safe could Liam finally relax.

It's completely normal to worry when things get hectic and complicated. But if worries become overwhelming, you may feel that they're running your life. If you spend an excessive amount of time feeling worried or nervous, or you have difficulty sleeping because of your anxiety, pay attention to your thoughts and feelings. They may be symptoms of an anxiety problem or disorder.

Anxiety is a natural human reaction that involves mind and body. It serves an important basic survival function: Anxiety is an alarm system that is activated whenever a person perceives danger or threat.

When the body and mind react to danger or threat, a person feels physical sensations of anxiety — things like a faster heartbeat and breathing, tense muscles, sweaty palms, a queasy stomach, and trembling hands or legs. These sensations are part of the body's fight-flight response. They are caused by a rush of adrenaline and other chemicals that prepare the body to make a quick getaway from danger. They can be mild or extreme.

The fight-flight response happens instantly when a person senses a threat. It takes a few seconds longer for the thinking part of the brain (the cortex) to process the situation and evaluate whether the threat is real, and if so, how to handle it. If the cortex sends the all-clear signal, the fight-flight response is deactivated and the nervous system can relax.

If the mind reasons that a threat might last, feelings of anxiety might linger, keeping the person alert. Physical sensations such as rapid, shallow breathing; a pounding heart; tense muscles; and sweaty palms might continue, too.

Normal Anxiety

Everyone experiences feelings of anxiety from time to time. Anxiety can be described as a sense of uneasiness, nervousness, worry, fear, or dread of what's about to happen or what might happen. While fear is the emotion we feel in the presence of threat, anxiety is a sense of anticipated danger, trouble, or threat.

Feelings of anxiety can be mild or intense (or anywhere in between), depending on the person and the situation. Mild anxiety can feel like a sense of uneasiness or nervousness. More intense anxiety can feel like fear, dread, or panic. Worrying and feelings of tension and stress are forms of anxiety. So are stage fright and the shyness that can come with meeting new people.

It's natural for new, unfamiliar, or challenging situations to prompt feelings of anxiety or nervousness. Facing an important test, a big date, or a major class presentation can trigger normal anxiety. Although these situations don't actually threaten a person's safety, they can cause someone to feel "threatened" by potential embarrassment, worry about making a mistake, fitting in, stumbling over words, being accepted or rejected, or losing pride. Physical sensations — such as a pounding heart, sweaty hands, or a nervous stomach — can be part of normal anxiety, too.

Because anxiety makes a person alert, focused, and ready to head off potential problems, a little anxiety can help us do our best in situations that involve performance. But anxiety that's too strong can interfere with doing our best. Too much anxiety can cause a person to feel overwhelmed, tongue-tied, or unable to do what they need to do.

Normal Anxiety

Everyone experiences feelings of anxiety from time to time. Anxiety can be described as a sense of uneasiness, nervousness, worry, fear, or dread of what's about to happen or what might happen. While fear is the emotion we feel in the presence of threat, anxiety is a sense of anticipated danger, trouble, or threat.

Feelings of anxiety can be mild or intense (or anywhere in between), depending on the person and the situation. Mild anxiety can feel like a sense of uneasiness or nervousness. More intense anxiety can feel like fear, dread, or panic. Worrying and feelings of tension and stress are forms of anxiety. So are stage fright and the shyness that can come with meeting new people.

It's natural for new, unfamiliar, or challenging situations to prompt feelings of anxiety or nervousness. Facing an important test, a big date, or a major class presentation can trigger normal anxiety. Although these situations don't actually threaten a person's safety, they can cause someone to feel "threatened" by potential embarrassment, worry about making a mistake, fitting in, stumbling over words, being accepted or rejected, or losing pride. Physical sensations — such as a pounding heart, sweaty hands, or a nervous stomach — can be part of normal anxiety, too.

Because anxiety makes a person alert, focused, and ready to head off potential problems, a little anxiety can help us do our best in situations that involve performance. But anxiety that's too strong can interfere with doing our best. Too much anxiety can cause a person to feel overwhelmed, tongue-tied, or unable to do what they need to do.

How Anxiety Disorders Affect People

For people dealing with anxiety disorders, symptoms can feel strange and confusing at first. For some, the physical sensations can be strong and upsetting. For others, feelings of doom or fear that can happen for no apparent reason can make them feel scared, unprotected, and on guard. Constant worries can make a person feel overwhelmed by every little thing. All this can affect someone's concentration, confidence, sleep, appetite, and outlook.

People with anxiety disorders might avoid talking about their worries, thinking that others might not understand. They may fear being unfairly judged, or considered weak or scared. Although anxiety disorders are common, people who have them may feel misunderstood or alone.

Some people with anxiety disorders might blame themselves. They may feel embarrassed or ashamed, or mistakenly think that anxiety is a weakness or a personal failing. Anxiety can keep people from going places or doing things they enjoy.

The good news is, doctors today understand anxiety disorders better than ever before and, with treatment, a person can feel better.

What Causes Anxiety Disorders?

Experts don't know exactly what causes anxiety disorders. Several things seem to play a role, including genetics, brain biochemistry, an overactive fight-flight response, stressful life circumstances, and learned behavior.

Someone with a family member who has an anxiety disorder has a greater chance of developing one, too. This may be related to genes that can affect brain chemistry and the regulation of chemicals called neurotransmitters. But not everyone with a family member who has an anxiety disorder will develop problems with anxiety.

Things that happen in a person's life can also set the stage for anxiety disorders. Frightening traumatic events that can lead to PTSD are a good example.

Growing up in a family where others are fearful or anxious can "teach" a child to view the world as a dangerous place. Likewise, if a person grows up in an environment that is actually dangerous (if there is violence in the child's family or community, for example), he or she may learn to be fearful or expect the worst.

Although everyone experiences normal anxiety in certain situations, most people — even those who experience traumatic situations — don't develop anxiety disorders. And people who develop anxiety disorders can get relief with proper treatment and care. They can learn ways to manage anxiety and to feel more relaxed and at peace.

How Are Anxiety Disorders Treated?

Anxiety disorders can be treated by mental health professionals, or therapists. A therapist can look at the symptoms someone is dealing with, diagnose the specific anxiety disorder, and create a plan to help the person get relief.

A particular type of talk therapy called cognitive-behavior therapy (CBT) is often used. In CBT, a person learns new ways to think and act in situations that can cause anxiety, and to manage and deal with stress. The therapist provides support and guidance and teaches new coping skills, such as relaxation techniques or breathing exercises. Sometimes, but not always, medication is used as part of the treatment for anxiety.

What to Do

Getting the problem treated can help a person feel like himself or herself again — relaxed and ready for the good things in life. Someone who might be dealing with an anxiety disorder should:

• Tell a parent or other adult about physical sensations, worries, or fears. Because anxiety disorders don't go away unless they are treated, it's important to tell someone who can help. If a parent doesn't seem to understand right away, talk to a school counselor, religious leader, or other trusted adult.
• Get a checkup. See a doctor to make sure there are no physical conditions that could be causing symptoms.
• Work with a mental health professional. Ask a doctor, nurse, or school counselor for a referral to someone who treats anxiety problems. Finding out what's causing the symptoms can be a great relief.
• Get regular exercise, good nutrition, and sleep. These provide your body and brain with the right fuel and time to recharge.

Try to stay patient and positive. It can take time to feel better, and courage to face fears. But letting go of worry allows space for more happiness and fun.

Reviewed by: D'Arcy Lyness, PhD
Date reviewed: November 2007

source taken from: http://kidshealth.org/